Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Sex on a Boat

I highly recommend it!

I was at a party a couple of days ago and being that I am probably the 2nd oldest staff member at work and definitely am the oldest in my department I tend to have a lot of stories. I am thankful I have a lot of stories. I have done some pretty cool shit in my day. And some uncool shit too that I am not particularly proud of. So I do tend to have a story related to the general shift of the conversation from time-to-time and one of my co-workers commented after one of my Mayday stories (incidents involving emergencies on the water) that I had done everything. Well, not everything but a lot compared to some. And not a lot compared to others.

Sex on a boat...where was I?

Oh, recommended. The elements of water, sun, sand and the fact that being on a boat in the summer lends you and your partner to dress minimalistic-ally are all elements that can lead to sex on a boat. Of course, you need a boat or some form of flotation device that will stand the stress and rigours of furious fucking. I would not recommend a canoe for that but gentle love-making would be the ticket there unless you are on dry ground.

I will have to admit to some aspect of romantic deviousness here. Taking a date to my boat was in some ways a test. First, if they did not like boating we were probably not going to be very compatible since I used to spend almost every weekend up north at it. Second, the boat was a perfect place to be alone. There is little to disturb you (until recently there was no cellular coverage in the area I boated and now it is still spotty). One could converse. Not talk but converse about things that mattered and somehow being on the water seems to relax people and let their personalities shine through. Three, and this is the "devious" part, if there was anytime in my romantic life I wanted to attempt a seduction it was on my boat. I certainly did not force myself on my romantic partner (unless they wanted me to) but given that boating would take an entire day the prerequisites for a seduction were apt to come to the fore while out on the water.

Sprinkle in some good food and wine and you have the makings of a seduction.

Problem is seducing a person on a boat can be downright dangerous!

Not that I ever was distracted while piloting my boat by being given oral sex as I take safety as a primary responsibility as the Master of the boat and the host but once anchored in some distant remote cove the gloves came off, as it were.

One trip with K we puttered around the area of Georgian Bay I know pretty well but one of the things that was frustrating is that we did not have the time to go farther north to get away from the other weekend boaters in the area. We were looking for a bay with a modicum of privacy and it was becoming difficult to do but eventually we found a bay that had no boats in it. I was to find out why.

See, when you anchor a boat you need to have a bottom conducive for the anchor to bite into and hold the anchor against the stress induced by the wind and the waves. We did anchor and as a precaution a good captain takes a sighting of two landmarks and mentally marks his position in relation to those landmarks. If the landmarks move you are moving and you need to reset the anchor or find another anchorage.

Be that as it may the expectation of some ramrod rough sex with K (and it was her expectation to) led to some poor judgment on my part. We anchored. I took my sighting and then slipped into the cabin for some well deserved mutual pleasure. Well, without getting into the gory details when I eventually came up for air (literally - K loved oral sex) I decided to slip on my swimsuit and check my sighting.

Oh blast. We had moved over 150 yards from our original position and there were rocks abaft our beam about 10 yards a way.

Not good. Poor K is wondering why I am scampering forward to start the engine and raise the anchor pronto and I hear her plaintive cry, "Come back here Eric. PLEASE?" as I move about wondering if anyone can see my nautical and physical predicament. Avast me hearties all turned out well. Boat saved. Sex resumed and everyone happy and satiated.

Turns out that there were several elements against our wonderful plan. The wind was high. The waves were too. And our rythmic motions in the cabin was helping to unseat the anchor on a bottom that was not conducive to anchoring a boat. So that is why no one was in the cove. The anchorage sucked.

But any good sailor must be able to adjust and adapt to their environment.


  1. sounds like a good idea... love the blog

    come check out the first ever fashion blog from a guys POV, let He know what you think

  2. Is this why there are so many false tsunami warnings?

  3. @ Fashion By He...thanks. I have forwarded your blog to several friends!

    @ Gill...Yes though tsunamis are very rare in Georgian Bay.


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