One of my favourite
bloggers wrote a short entry about this idea and I wanted to expand on this. Her comment is drawn from a very interesting article by Kathy
Lette entitled "
Who writes best about sex?" From this article I wanted to draw on one particular series of paragraphs.
A man who is sexually active is a “Love God”, a “Lothario”, a “Romeo”, a “stud muffin”. A woman who has the same sexual appetites as a man is still described as a “slut”, a “slapper”, a “tart”, a “moll” or a “slag” with “margarine legs” — ie, easily spreadable.
In truth, men still expect women to be virginal. The new man in a woman’s life will invariably ask: “Darling, darling, am I the first man to make love to you?” To which the woman will reply: “Of course. . . I don’t know why you men keep asking the same silly question.”
Being male I have been witness to this. And I have to admit I am guilty - in the past - of uttering those words in the context to which Ms.
Lette refers. But I have good news for both men and women.
I can only draw from my limited experience and age and being in my mid-40s I have had the distinct pleasure of meeting women that have become liberated in their attitudes towards sex. In most cases this sexual awakening occurs after a long first relationship and then after the breakup of that relationship the women I have had the pleasure to know (and not all of them in the Biblical sense) have re-examined their attitudes and their sexual needs. In several cases these women I have talked to had not even experienced an orgasm until after this transformation!
Fuck guys, we have it easy. Think about it. Other than having some medical or psychological dysfunction men orgasm at the sight of a Ferrari.
Well some do...
One has to think about this: What social or ethical construct must exist that precludes a woman from being able to find pleasure in themselves and from others? It is something that should invoke shame in all of us. A collective shame.
Lette gives some very illuminating statistics about this and you men and women should read them.
For several of these women they had the luck, and I use that term deliberately, the luck to find a partner after their sexual void that gave them the comfort to draw from themselves the emotional and physical support to discover sexual relations in a new way. I for one could not imagine not being able to be intimate without having that heart rending, brain popping experience of having and facilitating someone
else's orgasm.
Frankly sexual confident and aggressive women are a turn-on. If you do not think so then put on a mental chastity belt and join the Peace Corp. Sexual intimacy covers a gamut of experiences from ultimate soft feather touch tenderness to rip roaring bang that headboard at the hotel and wake the people in the next room experiences.
Just because a woman knows what she wants sexual should in no way sublimate a man's confidence. Unless of course he has issues about intimacy and his own virility. Life and by extension sexual intimacy is about range. Trial and error. Fun. Laughter. Tears and moments of shared connected silence before, during, and after.
In no way to I pretend to be perfect. I have my own sexual interests that tend towards the more "traditional" treatment of the male and female sexual dynamic, especially in my writing. Perhaps that is in part to the social and artist stereotypes I grew up with. That does not mean I do not enjoy the full range of emotional caring and sharing I have had the honour and pleasure to enjoy in the past.
In the end: Sexual understanding, communication, expression, and equity benefit everyone.
Lette makes some very compelling points.
